Ah, Tim Vine. The man of many one-liners.
Jokes such as “Velcro – what a rip-off” and “exit signs – they’re on the way out aren’t they?” have made him known for his quick-fire jokes. He’s even held the record of most jokes told in an hour with 499, until that feat was passed by another on May ’05 with 549 jokes.
Okay, that may not be newsworthy, but one of his one-liners has been named the funniest joke in this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
He won the title of ‘funniest joke’ with the gag “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again”
The prize, created by the digital television channel Dave, was given to the comedian from London after the panel of comedy critics heard over seven thousand jokes before short-listing the best and worst – which they then put to a public vote.
So, how would Vine celebrate?… “I’m going to celebrate by going to Sooty’s barbecue and having a ‘sweepsteak’.”
Here’s some of the best – and worst – jokes from this year’s Fringe festival.
First, the best….
1) Tim Vine – “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
2) David Gibson – “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”
3) Gary Delaney – “As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”
4) John Bishop – “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.”
5) Robert White – “For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty.”
6 ) Gareth Richards – “Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub”
And some of the worst…
Sean Hughes – “You know city-centre beat officers… Well are they police who rap?”
John Luke Roberts – “I made a Battenberg where the two colours ran alongside each other. I called it apartheid sponge.”
Emo Philips – “I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it’s hard to find 32 of them.”
Bec Hill – “Some of my best friends are vegan. They were going to come today but they didn’t have the energy to climb up the stairs.”
Dan Antopolski – “How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.”
Doc Brown – “I was born into the music industry. My dad worked in Our Price.”