Lately, I’ve found that my sneezes have been stolen. I don’t know who or how but I can tell you this: it’s a bit irritating. I could be sitting there all innocent when a sneeze approaches and I’d be like, “Oh hey, another sneeze coming up, I bet I’ll enjoy the nice feeling after a sneeze” and the sneeze would be like, “Yeah, and I’d enjoy clearing your nose, it’s a pretty good deal for both of us.” But no, the sneeze is taken, stolen in the prime of it’s existence. Maybe the person behind it is using it to power a Doomsday device or a TV, who knows? I tried appealing to the government but I got replies such as the following:
Who are you? Why are you sending letters here? This isn’t the Government, this house belongs to the Rodent Fertility Clinic, Salford. If you would like the know about the average life cycle of a rat you can visit the website, but this good sir is the wrong address.
This reply made me think, how did the C.E.O of Salford Rat Fertility Clinic know I was a sir? I started to investigate. I found that this was due to a typing error, a trivial matter, but nonetheless another mystery solved. I returned to the sneeze bandit mystery, I sent a letter to the real address of the Government and a reply, while not shedding any light on the subject, it did explain to me how 3D glasses work (I had already solved this by holding my 3D glasses in front a computer screen, seriously, try it, it freaked me out, weird ain’t it? No other light does that.) Where was I? Oh yes, sneezing. Well, it turned out that actually I just lost my sneezes, I found them under the bed next to an Aero mousse packet lid. There were about 15 of them, they told me that they fall down there because when I sleep in the night, they slide down the creamy smooth bed sheets and under the bed. This is why pyjamas must be worn, in order to catch these sneeze so you can enjoy them in the day. So the next time you enjoy a medium-sized sneeze, you should thank your pyjamas for saving them.
P.S I got a fly stuck in my hair today, that was weird.