Rhys Review: ATTACK! Pro Wrestling – How Do You Learn To Fall Off A 20ft Ladder? (3/4/2016)

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*This will be talking about an 18 plus show, so there will be mention of cussing or even other adult content. If you are under this age, try not to read this. But whatever age you may be, please tread lightly when reading through this review.*

Okay so I know what you might be thinking. Yes, that is one brilliant show name, and also, this is the second wrestling show I went to on Mania day (3rd April 2016), so it would be unfair to compare this one to the other show I reviewed from earlier in the day. I’ll do my best not to do that as they were completely different products for different audiences, as mentioned by the 18 plus warning you just read, or at least I hope you did. But I need to say right off the bat, if you are eighteen or older and love wrestling as a whole, whether it’s mainstream or independents or anything in between, I can say you truly missed out of one hell of a show. I dare say that this show was better than WrestleMania 32 itself, though I won’t go review that show since so many others have done that already and it’s more accessible to people than your independent wrestling company, even though Attack has its own DVDs and their own on demand service. (There’ll be a plug for it at the end so you can look it up there if you want.) I’d rather talk about one, if not the biggest, of Attack! Pro Wrestling’s biggest shows ever held since the company’s creation in 2011.

The venue was at the Walkabout bar in Cardiff, which I have covered shows at before, and this was packed, completely sold out. It’s a shame I got there later due to travel issues getting from the other show I covered that day, since everywhere was jam packed full of people. The ground floor, the balcony, the reserved tables and VIP sections, everything was filled. A very nice thing to see as people wanted one thing, and that was to have a fun time with Attack! Pro Wrestling. Now, I’ll do my best to keep things short and bring out key points, but so, SO MUCH happened on this show that I doubt I’ll be able to contain how truly spectacular this show was. But I’ll do my best to make it quick, so then you guys can buy the show when it comes out. At least I hope that’s what’ll happen, it better be what’ll happen.

Before the show we got the usual ‘rules’ given to people by Attack’s announcer. Well, he calls himself ‘Attack’s MC’ and goes by Jim L on his official Twitter so I guess this is what he’s called until I get corrected by the man himself. He ran down some of the top matches and then got things under way, as a Master of Ceremonies would do. Yes, I had to look up what an MC is, we all aren’t that bright to know these things – especially me.

Opening Match
Singles Match
Morgan Webster defeated Mike Bird

This opening match pretty much set up the show and how crazy everything would be for the rest of the night. Webster was the crowd favourite while nobody seemed to care for Newport’s own Mike Bird, even the tech people didn’t – as his entrance music didn’t play. Even though the people chanted ‘We want music!’ they still poked fun at Mike who eventually entered the ring looking majorly disgusted at everything and everyone. But like I said, this match showed how much these two rivals didn’t like each other as they were going after each other pretty fiercely, judging by the sickening chops I could hear at the start while I was trying to see things from the balcony area. The crowd was into it as you’d expect, and being somewhat blasphemous to Ginger Jesus as they would chant alongside that with ‘Jesus sucks’ – awkward if any Christians were in the building. Also ‘Angry Bird’ because banter lolz or whatever, that’s the expression people use right? They also had fun with Webster who at one point, when taking a submission from Bird, started chanting ‘Deal or No Deal!’, referencing Webster’s recent appearance on the popular British game show of the same name. Of course he yelled out ‘No Deal’ and things would look in his favour as the show sang ‘Flash will tear you apart!’ in his support. The action was still intense throughout, even going to the outside and Bird being thrown over a barricade and being dived onto. Bird had him towards the end with huge moves such as his known ‘Gotch-Style piledriver’ and a crucifix-type powerbomb. But Webster kept fighting on and after a top rope crucifix powerbomb attempt, he countered it into a hurricanrana, then hit a reverse frankensteiner and ended the match with his ever impressive 630 senton from the top rope and got the pinfall victory. As everyone sang along to Webster’s music after the match ended, he extended his hand out to Mike as a sign of respect, but Mike simply walked away and left to the back, not making people very happy. Still, a great way to start off what would be an even greater show.

Before the next match started Jim warmed up the people and a ‘Rafflemania’ chanted started, making him confirm that there would indeed be, a raffle! Yesssssssssss. There was also a quite mention of the recently departed Kris Travis, a British wrestler who passed away recently after battling stomach cancer. I remember seeing the one and only live match of his at an Attack show last year, if anyone remembers the review for that. I didn’t know much about the man, but he put on one of the funniest matches I have ever seen, not just in person, but in wrestling as a whole. He got respectful messages from many of the people who worked with him during his life as well as bigger names of mainstream fame who knew of or also worked with him, so to say the man left an impression on people is an understatement. Losing someone to this horrible disease is never a kind thing, I know this from experience, and while I don’t want to compare my case to his, I’d imagine that he wouldn’t want people be in a long state of sadness over this, and the chant of ‘Thank You Travis’ by everyone during this moment proved that and how much people care for him.

6 Way Tag Team Match
Robbie X, Danny Jones and Love Making Demon defeated Old Poppa Sunflower and Wonderland of Wrestle (Ramses and Super Santos Sr.)

Going back into the comedy theme, this match had that vibe going on about it as it was a spoof type of match with the masked Luchas of Sunflower, Ramses and Santos against the D-Generation-X spoof team of Robbie X(-Pac), Raving Danny Jones and the Love Making Demon. This was a very light hearted match with a few vulgarities thrown in for those who like such things, such as the Demon giving someone a Bronco Buster – that was something they didn’t want happening to them I’m sure. At one point, Danny’s party music started playing and this of course brought out the raving side of him as he did a fine job of giving it to his opponents. He even pulled out some new moves that he normally doesn’t do from other shows I have seen, which was interesting to see if you are into flashy moves and such.
But the best part came from Attack’s beloved referee, Shay Purser, who got pushed by one of the masked men at one point and was enticed by the crowd to giving him a few moves, which he has done to people in the past on a few instances. Even though he was warned against it, he still went for it anyway giving the guy a hurricanrana, a tilt-a-whirl headscissors takedown, and then dived on everyone outside the ring from the top rope!

Still, after a few DX themed moves from all involved towards the end, it was the team of Robbie, Danny and Demon who got the win via pin. 

Tag Team Match
Sebastian Radclaw & Uncle Eggbert defeated The Anti-Fun Police (Damian Dunne & Ryan Smile)

Now, the next match was originally announced as a handicap match between Sebastian Radclaw, along with his stuffed pink friend Skat Monkey, against the Anti-Fun Police, made up of ‘Chief Deputy’ Damian Dunne and ‘Superintendent’ Ryan Smile. However, smoke, actual smoke started covering everything as ominous turned upbeat music played as someone by the name of Uncle Eggbert appeared. Jim yelled on the mic that ‘HE HAS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD!’ so it seems he and Sebastian were related or something to that effect (only my second Attack show so I’m clueless to all of this) and that everybody loved him as people were going pretty insane for him as this match became a tag team match. The match itself was mixes of comedy at the start with Eggbert wrestling like an eighty-year-old and tripping up the AFP on many occasions, but things would change later on, especially when Damian and Ryan started using their usual dirty tactics to get the advantage. Sebastian had much heart in his offence when he got it in, even telling Uncle Eggbert at one point ‘You always told me to fight my fears!’ as he did a moonsault to the AFP who were outside the ring from the top turnbuckle. From this inspiring display, new life came into Eggbert as he too was diving on them over the ropes. Even Skat Monkey managed to get his own DDT on one of them at one point. Only in Attack Pro will you see a pink stuffed monkey DDT a police officer, can’t make this stuff up. At one point, Ryan Smile started pulling out some very flashy moves, and as the people at Walkabout would chant ‘Fun!’, Damian got him to stop this as the Anti-Fun Police can’t go having what they are anti towards. In the end after a chokeslam then a Last Ride from Eggbert, Radclaw got on top of his Uncle’s shoulders and splashed off them to get the pinfall victory.

After the match Damian wasn’t too happy over the loss and over his partner’s actions and messes with him. Ryan lost it on Damian and kicked him in the head, hit him with a Brainbuster and then hit a Frog splash from the top rope, seemingly ending their Anti-Fun Police partnership. Fun was definitely had by all (bar Damian) and it wouldn’t end there either. But there would be an interval, where I saw a bunch of people from training who helped out with the show, setting it up, handling merch and having fun doing so. I also bought a raffle ticket but didn’t win anything. Ah well, worth putting the money in at least.

Attack! Tag Team Championship
Tag Team Ladder Match
Bayside High (Mark Andrews & Nixon Newell) defeated #CCK (Chris Brookes & Mondai Lykos) to become the NEW Champions

So, this match also had a lot of rivalry going into it with the well liked Welsh team of Mark and Nixon against Nixon’s former partner, Chris, and Mondai Lykos, formerly known as Kid Lykos, all out in matching team gear too which was a nice touch. Now if I were to say everything that happened in this match, I’d be here for ages. But what I can say is that the level of brutality was truly something to see live, as well as many moments in the match. There were many different painful moments with bodies being slammed onto ladders from all angles, and one ladder even being broke in half as Mondai went through courtesy of Mandrews. Multiple ladders were used at many points, one of which saw Nixon diving off of it onto CCK outside the ring, which was a crazy moment on its own, but that soon followed by seeing everyone and a few other in-ring crew crowding around as they saw Mark not too far away from me on the balcony and did a Moonsault from it! The man, DOVE OFF A BALCONY!! A BALCONY!!! Unbelievable doesn’t begin to describe how it was to see this live, that was truly one of the most insane things I have ever seen? EVER! By the end of all this craziness, it was Nixon who ended up on a ladder to grab both championship belts for her and her partner to become the new champions. What an incredible match, but it all worked out in the end for the fan favourites and had people out of their seats so many times. So many of our jaws were on the floor, it was so good. But the night wasn’t over and the craziness didn’t stop with that match.

Singles Match
Travis Banks defeated Tyler Bates

What was a match to cool everyone down from the previous match was still fun enough for people to be into it as we had two well liked performers in Banks and Bates. Bates was sung to as you have read does happen to people at Attack shows and Travis was liked by the people as well, even though Tyler had slightly higher support from the crowd. Both were evenly matched throughout using their different offences to get the better of each other, with Banks pulling out a few flashier moves that I didn’t expect to see from him, while Bates brought in many stiff strikes to his opponent. Both of them – at one point – traded sickening chops that equally matched the opening’s chops I heard. Heck, even the power of Tyler’s mustache was able to put some over on Travis during some locks. In the end however, ‘The Tache’ wasn’t enough as Banks got the pinfall victory after some type of Airplane spun Powerbomb type manoeuvre.

A very nice match that made people happy still, and ended on a better note as both men shook hands after.

Main Event
Attack! 24/7 Championship
Pete Dunne retained against Wild Boar and Eddie Dennis

This main event was eighteen months in the making, which was made clear by a very nice video package showing all the action leading up to it, with people singing along to Limp Bizkit’s My Way which played over it. Boar and Eddie were favourites of the crowd while Pete Dunne was not well liked by everyone. Each came out to smoke from machines around the ring area, adding to the big time feel this match would have, and much like the previous championship match of this show, this was an all-out war between these three. Right from the start weapons were brought out as kendo sticks were broken across the bodies of all three men, as well as a three way duel with steel chairs which was cool to see. People were powerbombed on top of each other over barricades, high risk moves by Eddie such as an over the top rope dive, which is scary to see from a man his height. He even pulled out his two man samoan drop/fallaway slam combo not once, but twice, firstly on the ground, and later on from the top turnbuckle! Eddie wanted to win that championship back badly to pull out these impactful moves, and the same went for the other two as Pete would pull out multiple weapons, such as the kendo sticks and steel chairs, as well as tables and even tacks! Pins! Those things you use to put pieces of paper on your walls, those types of pins. These weapons wouldn’t work out well for the champion as Boar speared Pete through one of them and later Eddie would slam Pete onto the pile of tacks and through the other table! But even through all this and different finishing moves, he would still kick out. All of the men involved ended taking all different finishing moves and would still somehow kick out through all the pain and carnage their bodies were going through. That was how much being the 24/7 Champion meant to them. In the end, however, Pete would take out Boar with a steel chair, hit his finisher on Eddie and get the pinfall victory after pinning him. People weren’t happy that Pete retained his championship but they were happy to have seen such a battle take place in front of them.

After the match however the ‘Young and Bitter’ champion got on the mic to brag about how he has beat so many credible people on the Attack! roster for his championship, stating how no man, no woman, or anyone would take his championship from him. But then as he was saying this, something no one expected happened.

1? 2? 3!!!

The NEW Attack! 24/7 Champion! Shay Purser?!

Wait? what just happened you were thinking? Yeah, I couldn’t believe it myself, but the referee rolled up the champion while he was distracted and got the pinfall victory, and become the NEW 24/7 Champion! If you?re wondering how, it’s because this championship a 24/7 rule, as the title is named for, where anyone can challenge for the championship at any place at anytime, anywhere, any way possible, including by a surprise pinfall. So, yeah, everyone wasn’t able to form the words in their mouths properly as there was nothing but a thunderous noise coming from everyone at the same moment. Jaws on the floor, minds blown, did this just happen? Even the new champion himself didn’t believe he did what he did as he held the championship in the air while dashing towards the back away from an enraged Pete Dunne. He was truly fuming, complaining to Jim about the whole thing. Pete obviously had enough and slapped Jim, but to his and everyone’s surprise, Jim hit a Stunner on the former champion to everyone’s delight! Then the music of the iconic Stone Cold Steve Austin played and Jim was tossed Monster Energy drinks, to which he did the whole Rattlesnake beer celebration, and hence came the end of one of the best Attack! shows in history.

Apologies for all of this rambling, this feels like one of my most baffling wrestling reviews I have ever done, but that’s mainly because of how crazy this entire show was. It truly was great to see a promotion come to where it has become in the span of its creation to where it is now. So, to everyone reading this whole review, just to a future Attack! show, or buy their DVDs or buy shows from their online website, just, go support Attack! I remember there being an announcement that Attack! will return to the Walkabout Cardiff bar in August this year but there’s no ticket sales or online mention of it just yet. So until there is, like their Facebook, follow their Twitter, do all the social media whatevers, and again, just support Attack! Pro Wrestling, because only bigger and better things to come from them.

Attack! Pro Wrestling Links
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/ATTACKprowrestling
Twitter – @ATTACKWrestling
Website – http://attackprowrestling.co.uk/
On-Demand – http://attackprowrestling.co.uk/attack-on-demand/4591917192
Store – http://attackprowrestling.bigcartel.com/

*Pictures taken courteous of Attack! Pro Wrestling and Turning Face Photography*

Related Article: Rhys Review: Exposure Wrestling Entertainment – Luchamania (3/4/2016)

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