Looking back on all the silly things I have done to be as pretty or as perfect as everyone else, I realise how appearance and ‘school status’ forms so much of your life. I mean I even tried putting mayonnaise on my face to get ‘perfect skin.’ Which by the way, after I washed it off, left me with a horrific blood red face. I found out the reason it makes your skin soft for a while but also turns it red is because it acts like a chemical peel, but that’s not a good thing! Don’t do it, seriously! It’s so damaging! (I would just like to make a comment on the article called Diaries Of A Drama Queen Propaganda about Uganda by Toriabeth, she wrote about how internet propaganda has such an influence on teenagers. The reason I mention this is because I read that mayonnaise makes your skin softer and gets rid of any sudden blemishes online. Just because I read it I believed it. So naive! Read what she wrote though, it’s so true!)
What I don’t get is why people care about what others think? I will be the first to admit that I care. I’m not the smallest, or the prettiest, or the most popular, but my point is why and how do we fall into these cliques? What makes us so self conscious about how others see us?
When I was younger I suffered from anorexia and bulimia, not to the extreme that you see where every bone is defined but I was so ill that I collapsed. I’m not asking for sympathy because from recovering I am a stronger person, but it all started when I was called fat, but here’s the best bit. I was wearing size 6 and 8 trousers and a size 6 top? I don’t get how this is fat? I don’t get why I was so offended by the comment that I cared enough to starve myself?
I became very depressed; I hit rock bottom and would sit and cry for hours on end wishing I was thin and pretty! I felt disgusted with myself, why should any girl, or boy, let someone tell them who they are? Why should people be defined by how others see them?
I’m 16 years old now, doing my final year of GCSEs when a boy decided to call me fat. Seriously? Why does this word mean so much to people? Even though I’m blabbing on about how people shouldn’t care I was still so offended because of this!
I read the last magazine of Rawr (which encouraged me to write this) about year nines in Y pant and their views on weight. My friend and I sat reading the results horrified!
Even though I wished I could go and tell every year nine how silly they are being and how everyone is perfect the way they are (all that cheesy stuff that your parents always tell you) I can remember year nine and how I felt.
It seems so long ago that I had a group of girls labelled as ‘The Populars’ all standing in a circle calling me fat, why they decided to hate me I don’t know, but looking back I know that what they did was wrong but they had the upper hand because they knew my weakness. My weight. I stopped eating, I threw away food and told my mother I had eaten it, I didn’t drink because I didn’t want water weight. Then one day I went out with the girls, went into this kind of sports stadium thing and collapsed in the toilet cubicle. I was just about to open the door when I fell and then I woke up laying on a bench in the changing rooms whilst a nurse was shining a light into my eyes and checking I was ok.
I was forced to eat after this.
I’m not going to lie to you; there are times now, even though what people say does not bother me as much anymore I do still get very obsessed with my weight. I still do watch what I eat, but I recognise the signs of me becoming ill again, and I do eat, but the difference is I eat a balanced diet, one which keeps me healthy.
I have wobbly bits just like most people, mine are my legs and my bum, but I would never even consider having surgery! In the Y pant survey some girls were willing to go under the knife to change bits of themselves, but what they should ask themselves is who are they changing for? I can guarantee most people will change to change other peoples opinions. This is stupid, who cares what other people think? Who cares if we look different, act different, have a twitch or ginger hair? So this is coming from a very hypocritical 16 year old teenager. Stop caring and start living. One person’s opinion isn’t everyone’s opinion. Don’t judge people and don’t let other people judge you. Be who you want to be because you are perfect, because you have something that no one else will ever have, you’re unique! There is only one of you in this entire world!