It was a mild morning, the type of weather where the temperature of the air is the same temperature as your skin so you can’t feel the air, but a bit warmer. The grey city pavements broken by cracks and chewing gum that has been there long enough to actually become part of the pavement. The tall buildings stretched into the skyline, but don’t worry, they duck when the sun comes by. On the streets a man was standing on the corner, he stood with an open guitar case in front of him with no guitar in sight; the case contained about 37 pence. The man wore a red jacket, had brown hair, stood at 5’10”, weighed just above average, interests include sitting and occasionally standing, he had been thinking about going to the doctor’s for some time to have a mole checked out, but he heard that only moles without defined edges are the dangerous kind but he still worries because it sometimes itches but that may be the new blankets he just bought because the old ones had a strange tinge to it that was probably nothing but he thought that it might be radioactive.
Another man who has a nose walked up to the corner-street man.
“Ben!” He said.
“He!” Ben said. The long lost friends exclaimed during their first meeting. Ben put down his One-Man-Band set to hug his best friend give him a manly handshake. He said, “I just came to say the entire Earth is in trouble and that my computer mouse has stopped working.”
“Well have you tried updating your drivers?” Ben replied.
“Well that’s not going to save the Earth” He said.
“Well what’s going on?”
“Well I’m moving my mouse but it’s not moving on the screen”
The riveting conversation was rudely interrupted when a rip in time occurred at eye level at a clear disregard for Health and Safety. A giant mauve panama flew out of the rip in time and attacked the large buildings with it’s appropriately mounted laser cannon.
“Quickly get in the car!” He shouted. Yes, this “He” business can get quite confusing if you’re not paying attention. He and Ben leapt into the vintage 1986 Rover 820Si and drove into the distance at a startling 42 mph.
“That keeps happening,” He tried to explain to his startled friend.
“This has happened before?” Ben replied.
“Yeah, and I put it into a different USB port and everything, so it’s not the port.”
“Well, that makes sense.”
“That’s what I said, but I think that time rip back there was also pretty serious and I think I know who knows what caused who to know about it. I have a friend who knows about this stuff, she lives up There.”
“No, There, it’s a small village just up ahead.” Ben then looked at the camera and shook his head slowly before the image dissolved to show There.
There was a perpetually snow covered village; there was a very little influence from the big city there. There was John’s local corner shop, Bill’s local butchers and Frank’s International String Theorem and Photonics Research Centre. In the centre of the town was a statue of a carrot; the town’s mascot. He and Ben flew straight to the ISTPRC and went to Room 34 across from the Men’s toilets. He kicked down the door, as is tradition, to find a note on the desk.
“I knew you’d be coming so I ran for 3 miles, then wrote this note and sent it back to There. So this is what’s going on. You can choose story A for a proper explanation or Story B for much paraphrasing.
A. That neutrino that CERN found that travels faster than the speed of light pretty much broke all of physics so it went back in time to fake the moon landing, force an alien to crash in Roswell, found America as a place to sell corn and create the stock market in order to allow funding from it’s corn sales to eventually be directed to Switzerland to create a Nuclear Research Centre to lead to it’s own creation. It also took some photos of fountains around the world which are just beautiful. But now the time travelling has seen a time travelling movie and decided to split time open at its weakest point: the present, causing wild time distortions to occur.
B. Stuff’s going down. You better fix it.
No wait, maybe it would be better to have computer mouse problems be the cause, hmmm, I don’t know, which ever is more interesting. I have to stop writing now as my pencil only has 1mm left.
“Signed is right, we better fix it, and I think I know how,” He said.
“Already? Why didn’t you know on the ride here?” Ben replied
“This is only a short story; it’s got to have a quick ending, besides it’s getting kind of boring.”
“Alright, what’s the plan?”
What follows is a scene which contains much planning, blueprints, soldering, welding, you name it. All to the song of your choice, this is a very giving story, it’s not taking anything from you, it just gives.
Ben and He then travelled back to the city in the 1986 Rover 820Si only to find that the time rips have run amok releasing time monkeys everywhere. He and Ben had planned for this and used the net of chronology to trap them when they were recharging as; of course, the time monkey’s biggest weakness is its inability to phase itself through nets. The nets, woven from the web of the Spiders of Jahazdar, allowed Ben and He to redirect the time monkeys power of reasoning straight into the heart of the time rip (did I call it a time rip before? I think I did) thus leading to complete collapse of its structure thus closing it. Unfortunately, Ben, He and the net containing the time monkeys started floating into the air as the Earth forgot about gravity. While this does increase the efficiency of rockets, this was of the utmost inconvenience to He and Ben who had now used a crossbow to anchor themselves to the ground.
“Bah! Without the time monkeys we have no way to stop the time rip” Ben shouted
“I didn’t know you were the type of person to say Bah!” He shouted back
“Yeah, I always have, I can’t stop myself from saying it”
“Oh okay, but GADZOOKS! Look at the time rip!”
The time rip had started to close due to an unplanned event: He’s broken mouse had sacrificed itself by jumping into the time rip, but before it did, it threw a note out towards Ben and He. The time rip collapsed and imploded leaving behind a fine powder which would later be confirmed to be Copper Oxide. Gravity returned to normal as the Earth had regained it’s memory of Gravity by playing the crossword clue: “Thick liquid that is poured onto savoury meals.”
Ben picked up the note it and unfolded it’s singed edges. He read it carefully:
Well as long as the mouse made it in somewhere.
PS. The time monkeys live on a farm now, they love them very much and play with them every day.