The Radical Review: WWE SummerSlam 14/08/11

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Hey everyone, after a totally expected 4 days of terror with my father’s new ‘playmate’, I decided to brighten up my spirits by reviewing the biggest Pay Per View event of the Summer, or something pretty close at least, in WWE’s 24th annual ‘SummerSlam’. Before watching this show I was fairly mixed about the results because something I expected, others I didn’t mind much, but some bits left a sour taste in my mouth. But that doesn’t matter cause I got my predictions points and such for some of it online, and I won a few things so ‘WOOP WOOP!’ But anyway, let’s get this show on the road. And no I’m not going to review the hobo singing the American national anthem, because well just because! =-P

Rey Mysterio, John Morrison & Kofi Kingston defeat The Miz, R-Truth & Alberto Del Rio

For an unscheduled match this wasn’t as bad as some people made it out to be. I mean sure we could easily see this exact match on an episode of Raw, but nonetheless it was still a solid opener to get the crowd fired up (even though the dark match should have done that to begin with). It was not a bad crowd to begin with, the were massively behind the heel in Del Rio which made me do a kitty face expression, and it was mostly men who chanted, a nice changed compared to the high-pitched squeals of little children and desperate women/teenage girls.

CM Punk, John Laurinaitis and Stephanie McMahon Promo

Now this promo involving WWE Champion CM Punk, WWE’s (legit) Executive Vice Chairman for Talent Relations, John Laurinaitis aka Johnny Ace (back in the day), and a surprise appearance from the wife of Triple H, Stephanie McMahon. Of course it’s always great to hear of my all-time favorite women personalities since the good old days from a decade ago, she hasn’t changed a bit, but pairing putting her in front of the GOD (That’s right atheists, he walks among us!) that is CM Punk, it just makes for good television, especially the ending, its so great to hear random glimpses of adult humour in the WWE programming now, for this made me grin from ear to ear in glee. And of course the child-like humour at the start with Punk pulling those gibs at Ace was a funny sight to behold as well.

Mark Henry defeats Sheamus

Now onto the first scheduled match (which cost me prediction points for match order *insert sad face here*). I’ll have to admit, despite how Sheamus turning face after removing that horse shoe from up his arse (his words not mine), I found this match how I expected it, somewhat boring and dull until of course Henry slammed Sheamus through the barricade and I just bounced up, as did the crowd that were close to the smashed barricade. I did like this ending though as it shown Sheamus getting so close to defeating Mark Henry in the sense of still having that much energy, but of course as we know you need to get in the ring by the ten count of you lose, which is what happened to Sheamus. And this in turn also means that we have not seen the last of this feud, this isn’t so bad actually. Hopefully they actually do more to keep me interested, with as little smashed up objects as possible please.

Christian Segment & Cee Lo green Performance

Next we see World Heavyweight Champion Christian compare himself to Harry Potter which again was laughable, but not much to say about that really, cause straight after we get to hear a grand performance of the newest trend in the music scene. Yes I’m of course referring to a live performance by Cee Lo Green and his new single ‘Bright Lights Bigger City’ followed by ‘Forget You’, with dancing divas included. Shame the crowd weren’t involved when Cee Lo queued them to sing along with him, but what’s wrestling fans for you. =-X And enjoy that little V signal (if your dirty minded I mean) while it’s there cause we all know that won’t make the DVD/Blu-ray release. x-D

WWE Divas Championship
Kelly Kelly with Eve Torres retains against Beth Phoenix with Natalya

I’m supposed to review the action going on in the ring, but Beth’s new attire she needs to wear a skirt more often, I mean those legs! JESUS! I wonder how Cheerleader Melissa also feels about her look being glamified on the main screen? (You indie diehards will know who this is) Now for the actual match, as much as you all should know how much I DESPISE Kelly Kelly, I have to admit I liked her quick aggression to start the match off, but I was much more pleased to see her get even more messed up than she usually is when Beth kept destroying the woman, and most of the crowd in Los Angeles agreed as well. But of course she hits her generic ROLL UP OF DESTRUCTION and retains her title, which is the only credible way she could ever hoped to retain against the Glamazon (Yes I predicted Beth and lost points because of it, another reason why to dislike Kelly). And of course as much as I dislike Cole on commentary, the troll inside me loved his ‘flying candy cane’ comment along with Kelly ‘doing things’ a long time ago to become the champion. But that’s me, I have my mean side as well. But my biasness aside this match was generally longer than most divas matches and both women did more than they usually do, so in the end I was impressed enough, not by the results but still. But one thing that confused me was why did both Eve and Natalya need to be out for that match, they didn’t interfere once, what was the point.

Next we see Stephaine McMaohon leave WWE Champion John Cena’s locker room maybe she was giving him a ‘good luck handshake’ or something I don’t know. =X I’m only kidding, I can’t talk badly of my miss Stephaine! Then we see R-Truth talking to one of the most memorable managers in WWf/E history, the Hall of Famer, Jimmy Hart. Shame this pairing wasn’t made official, it would have made for so many more amazing lolz, but oh well I guess it was never meant to be. And then they cut to a random pairing of some guy with his girl whoever they are supposed to be, me? I haven’t got a clue in all honest, should I? (Waits for the hate train to arrive, assuming the man is important of course)

Wade Barrett defeats Daniel Bryan

Before the match starts we get to hear I believe ANOTHER new theme from D Bry (what Booker T calls him these days), and in all honesty, I’m really not fond of it, heck even his last was better, but maybe it could be the same theme (that being “Freefall”) and that wasn’t as good as “Ride of the Valkyries”, it got me really excited for the match as I sang along with it. But even still I do believe that this was the best match of the night so far, we got to see the usual greatness within Bryan’s arsenal of moves which he executed all in a brilliant fashion. Wade also shown more progress and demonstrations in his move set as well showing new techniques we haven’t seen from him much. The crowd was fairly into the match and both men worked well with each other in the ring, so hopefully this isn’t the end of this little rivalry. So despite me losing points since I predicted Bryan to win, I’m also pleased that Wade won as he too needs to get himself noticed more in the WWE, and the best way to do that is by beat as many stars as he possibly can, the same applies for Bryan of course, along with any fairly new and fresh talent in the WWE scene.

World Heavyweight Championship
Randy Orton defeats Christian with Edge to become the new Champion

We start off with a nice little recap from last month’s Pay Per View (Money in the Bank) and all the shows leading up to this very Pay Per View, which was done fairly well in my honest opinion, and to top it off we get an announcement that the Rated-R Superstar Edge will APPARENTLY be in his corner for the match. But we are reminded that the R in Edge’s nickname stands for Retired and pulls a solid classy promo saying how Christian changed from what he once was to become a whiny little b—-! You can fill in the letters I’m sure. So Edge leaves and Orton entered to start the match, and this match wasn’t as good as I expected it to be IT WAS AWESOME! And you all should know that word ‘AWESOME’ is one of my biggest pet peeves which I don’t use to describe much in the current time, and only when something so out of this world will I use this word, the way it is SUPPOSED to be used for, but again that my opinion.

This match had it all, great in-ring techniques, use of weapons, story-telling, chemistry, crowd reaction, it had all the great qualities that a 4 or even a 5 star match should have, and I believe this was closer to five that it was to four. The only downside of course is exactly what I had a problem with the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, Christian barely held the title for 30 days, and Randy wins the title yet again. And also from the results, I’m not so sure that the Christian/Orton feud will continue, which makes me sad as they have both put on some darn amazing matches. I’d say one more match, but I’m not so sure I want that even more, but if it results in Christian NOT winning the title again, then he might as well feud with someone else for a while now. And I guess you could say the actual match toned down my hate for those subjects as well, so in the end it was still a good 4.5 star rating for this match, even though I’m not supposed to rate matches so soon, but this one was an exception. By the way I predicted Christian to retain so of course I’m upset about that as well but nothing to do with my reviewing skills I swear, cross my heart! 😉

So for the quick little toilet break that it was, we get shown footage of all the goings on from the WWE Summerslam Excess event which is usually held the day or two before the actual Pay Per View event. And soon after all of this is shown, we see Triple H and his wife Stephanie plotting something oh so nefarious I wonder what it could be? Hmmmm. =-P

Undisputed WWE Championship
CM Punk retains against John Cena, merging his belt with Cena’s

We get the same promo that has been showing to sum up this short yet epic feud from the last month, but it’s such a good promo that it HAS to be used more than once. Now this was going to be quite difficult to top off the match that Orton and Christian had a few moments ago, but not only that but this match also has it’s previous to try and step up to, and the Chicago crowd made that match historic, even though the Los Angeles crowd is decent enough, its nowhere near Chicago level. Although I have to say, they came pretty darn close. I mean of course we didn’t need to know that Cena walked around the arena before he got there, so in the words of the all might Miz REALLY? Ah well onto the match, and like I said about the crowd, they came pretty close, I mean I didn’t expect them to dislike Cena so much as I THOUGH he was one with those in Los Angeles, but I guess he isn’t too much, but of course Punk has his fair share of heat (boos from the crowd) as well, but at least he got my cheers than Cena did, quite similar to that from Chicago.

But enough of simple crowd reaction, even though they too helped make the actual match quite interesting, this match was quite close to the Chicago match, not as great, but it was very VERY close. I mean we saw the usual greatness in the ring from CM Punk, that Anaconda Vise submission (the 1st one he did with the leg, there are 2 version of the move as far as I know) was picture perfect. And also the respect to the late great Macho Man Randy Savage from that diving elbow drop as well, that made me smile inside and the crowd agreed as well (yes I mentioned the crowd AGAIN, well you know what, this MY review article, I can do and say whatever I want, with permission from Wicid of course =-P) . And to be fair, Cena also did quite decent in the ring as well, and even though its not a move as such, but I’m honestly surprised that Cena’s fat arse could go up in the air that high for that dropkick he executed (admit it everyone, the man has got a fat arse, my brother’s fiance even admitted this the first time she saw the man on the tele). Heck even the referee skills of Hunter (Triple H) were quite good as well. I mean when was the last time a referee really checked for any weapons or such on a wrestler before the bell is rung? Throwing both men into the ring was a nice touch as well, but of course he messed up at the end when Cena had his foot on the rope and Punk got the 3 count, retaining the Undisputed WWE Championship title, and in all honesty this might be the reason why this made was so close to matching up with the original, I mean if it were a clean pin by either men, then it would have been equal or even better perhaps. That doesn’t mean the match wasn’t 5 star worthy though, because it was and it is in my opinion.

But does this mean the review is over, shall we get to the good, bad and ugly, and then the overall 10 out of 10 and star rating? OH NO, we are FAR from finished yet! For we find out that while Punk finishes celebrating, he turns around to find that the infamous Kevin Nash has returned once again and simply clotheslines Punk and gives him a good old Jackknife Powerbomb, to triple H’s disapproval, or shock, whichever he felt the most at the time. And then suddenly, as if things couldn’t get hectic enough, the raw Money in the Bank holder Alberto Del Rio appears and officially cashes in his briefcase. That’s right, we got a WWE Championship match right now!

WWE Championship
Alberto Del Rio defeats CM Punk to become the NEW Champion!

So he simply gives him a sick kick and gets the pinfall victory to become the new Undisputed WWE Champion, to the mixed reaction (mostly cheers mind you, very pro Del Rio this crowd was tonight, from start to finish), and the confusion by Triple H.

Well, not much to say about expect I PREDICTED IT! Yes I’m going to brag, I won a separate entire contest for what date and IF Del Rio will successfully cash it in, and I won it! Well Co-won it with 1 other person, but nonetheless I still won it! So as for Del Rio as champion, I don’t mind him winning it as he’s has a believable character, he’s a heck of a talent inside that ring, and of course with the WWE getting that much closer to their first ever tappings in Mexico sometime in October, they need to have a Mexican champion to represent their country, and Del Rio fits that bill, seeing as he is a pure blooded Mexican.

Now then I shan’t keep you reading for much longer so let’s get to the GOOD, BAD & UGLY!

Decent opening tag team match
AMAZING Punk/Laurinaitis/ Stephanie
Cee Lo Green (He’s a good enough reason on his own, let alone the man’s singing)
Decent Divas Match (mostly Beth’s attire though, WOW!)
Jimmy Hart appearance
Great Wade/Bryan match
World Heavyweight Championship match (ALMOST everything involved in it)
Undisputed WWE Championship match (EVERYTHING involved in it)
Kevin Nash (enough said)
Del Rio cashing in his briefcase and winning the Undisputed WWE Title
Surprises, oh I do ever so much like those!
Crowd reaction, not as great as Chicago, but they did a great job to be fair

Sheamus VS Mark Henry (Well, it wasn’t so much bad as it was boring, at least until the very end)
Short title reigns (Christian: 28 days, CM Punk: 28 days! Lol)

Crowd not following with ‘Forget You’ song (Maybe they did, but from the tele it didn’t look like they cared much it’s Cee Lo Green people, how can you NOT care!)
Kelly Kelly’s attire (I mean we all know she’s Barbie Blank, which is a reference to her as a person, and her actual name, but this is overkill don’t you think? Plus she needs attire that doesn’t get undone so easily, give her some lessons Glamazon!)
Eve & Natalya not involved in the Divas match when they were at ringside.
Daniel Bryan’s them music (I want to sing again! DANIEL BRYYYYAN! DANIEL BRYYYYYAN!)

I guess that’s all I got, but now I’ll quickly rate the Pay per View as a whole first by score, which I say was an 8.5/10, and then by stars, which I’ll say was 4 Stars. But what I like most about this Pay Per View was all the questions it left behind. Why did Kevin Nash attack CM Punk? Was this what Stephanie planned with HHH and was he just acting the fool? What will John Cena do now that he lost the title by failure of Triple H’s decision? Will Punk get revenge on Del Rio, Nash or even Triple H and Stephanie! And why is Kelly Kelly always dressing herself in malfunctional attire?! Most of these should be answer on Raw on Monday. But chances are these may very well be answered by the time this article is up, so on that note I’m sorry to have dropped all this on you, but then you probably won’t read it all anyway, I know I wouldn’t! So until the next Pay Per View or DVD release, this is Radical signin off, CIAO! =-3


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