To Be Transgender

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Yn Gymraeg

Growing up thinking you’re different or you’re ill but then you consider that it could just be a phase.

How without the right support you could feel depressed and alone.

Where I grew up, mainly on my own with little friends as I found it difficult to explain to others about my feelings.

But how can a guy whose cousins and family have a bodybuilding track record tell someone that he feels effeminate.

At a young age, how would you know what these terms are or what their true meanings are?

How many of you know what the differences between transvestite, transsexual, transgender and gender queer are? Do you even know what one of the terms refers to? I suppose most people may think as all these as drag queens or drag kings. (Drag is dressed as a girl, drab is dressed as a boy.)

But after research within this topic during my college years I found out that I was a transvestite and possibly transsexual. Though after medical supervision I came to realise that yes I am a transsexual, as I wish to die as a female, though my confidence is lacking.

And yes, I will be wearing the dress at my wedding and like every girl I have been shopping for the perfect dress for past five years and Alfred Angelo seems to be the designer for me.

So, what is it like to be transgendered?

Well my sex (reproductive organs) is still the same, but gets in the way a bit learning how to cope, and hiding various bumps of your body can be tedious.

The Adam’s apple seems most troublesome, though scarves are best, though when you have your voice surgically altered they can shave your apple off. (By the way, they do this when you’re awake. As I turn white at first sign of blood, I will not be doing this any time soon).

I still spend most of my life as an ugly guy, but I am not afraid to shop for myself or try female clothes on in stores or go and have and female treatment while dressed as a guy, such as manicures. I tend to do this myself as it’s relaxing. Besides it’s against the law for a shop or store to deny the transgendered of any female or male treatment. 

The police have been helpful to providing legal advice on various issues but their entire resource is based on a charity as the police don’t have the answers at all on transgender topics so is my little friend.

I have suffered from abuse from family and some people of the public. I have been reported to the police for using female facilities, but perceived as a girl I have the right to use female facilities so normally the police will not do anything.

Read the documents on GIRES for further information. Thought for the boys out there: if you saw a woman enter the boys’ toilets, would you care? No, didn’t think so. 

Transgender abuse is serious and is a criminal offence. We are just people who know what it is like to be both a girl and a boy.

Dresses or trousers?

Well, personally I would like to wear a ball gown every day of my life but funds don’t permit it, and I can’t wear the same one now can I? I’d need 365 of them at least.

Whatever feels comfortable at that particular moment, unless I am going to a party then dress accordingly. Being a girl at parties I do feel special as we girls are nice and colourful and the guys are boring black and white. Yeah, good thing I am not a man.

However, I just want to live my life as a regular girl, nothing special, even though I hate jewellery. I don’t even wear a watch. Though as I do want to be a regular girl who does love pink (colour, I like classical music) I need to be careful of what I wear.

Having a male body, naturally my shape is masculine, but I am kinda lucky that I have a small waist though. My shoulders are wide, so my body proportion is out of place. The right style for me is kaftans or loose-fitting tops, as I can look feminine.

And now shoes? These things are so strange in sizes they vary so much. I can’t find a size that I can say will defiantly fit me. Boots: I can take a 7, trainers 10, pumps 8. Ugg style 7-9. So guys you have it easy with shoes.

A size 10 in men’s is meant to be same in women’s but it’s not as I am a size 9 or supposed to be but my feet range in four different sizes.

How people perceive me gets frustrating as I just want to pass. Long hair helps but that’s not it. A girl in men’s clothing can still look like a girl. Whereas I look like a guy. So hence how maybe you may see some male-to-female transgendered dress over the top or wear more Gothic styles.

I’m not a Goth, no thanks, cyber-Goth maybe. So the way I dress will translate on how people will perceive me. As we see on the news every so often where transgendered people (mainly male-to-female) are bullied and sometimes like recently, are killed for being what they are. Why? It’s only a genetic defect during the creation of our feminate body. Our brain is female that’s correct it’s just our body was messed up during the manufacturing process. 

What will hormones do?

These little things which are normally made from horse urine can do everything or nothing.

They may or may not do anything. But mostly do something.

For male-to-female

  • Voice, not really
  • Bone structure can change and even change shape like my hips may grow outwards, women tend to have stronger bones and better bone marrow probably why their life expectancy is higher
  • Breasts can take up to 5 years to fully form and hurt like hell
  • Genitals may shrink not garmented. However your fertility rate will be diminished
  • Skin should become clearer with less acne
  • Hair should be cleaner

For female-to-male

  • Stubble/Beard growth
  • Muscles should grow to more masculine, female body builders sometimes take male hormones as steroids are illegal in some competitions
  • Greasy hair and skin with more chance of acne

Loud and Proud: Cardiff LGBT Youth Provision

Profile: Loud & Proud

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