What Winds Me Up – Taps

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to complain about the simply incomprehensible logic in which your otherwise fine products are manufactured. 

You see, my complaint is as follows: I activate my water outlet by a simple upward elevation of the handle and increase the temperature of the resulting water by rotating the device horizontally, but this is all quite alright. No, the complaint I introduce to you today sir, is that of a monumental and perhaps catastrophic design flaw. 

When I activate the faucet at maximum vigour but also at minimum temperature through the above method I’m sure you’ll remember, the outlet simply unleashes a torrent of cascading water. Now, when I rotate the handle horizontally thusly, the torrent finds it fit to decrease to a mere dribble; a fraction of itself only moments ago! I’m sure this truly apocalyptic flaw is surely a mistake of some description. 

Now I know you must be busy, there, in the water plant, between Piccadilly and rather disgruntled policeman, who would send anyone who crossed his corner directly to jail with no reasoning and with only the slightest hint of policeman orderly conduct! For this I’m afraid I must give you my sincerest apologies and hope you continue your fine line of products.

I must cut this letter short as my brandy has just finished decanting.

Yours Faithfully,
English Businessman Circa 1920

2 thoughts on “What Winds Me Up – Taps”

  1. BethanTheBarmy says:

    I must say, I told my dad about this article and he went into a rant about different sources of water. For a moment there, I figured he’d send me to jail without passing Go and collecting my £200.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Intellect mixed with humour? By God!

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