Bf

Hello someone I been dating for nearly a year is always asking me to send sexy pictures of myself,he says he always like that ,sometimes I don’t know if he really loves me or not

WICID Nan

Hello dear,

 

Thanks for getting in touch with Wicid Nan. 

 

You say you have been dating a guy for about a year, that he is always asking you to send him sexy pictures and you don’t know if he really loves you or not. Oh my, what a pickle. Not to worry, Wicid Nan is here to give you some advice and info to have a think about.

 

First things first. You didn’t tell me how old you are dear, so I need to give advice for if you are 18 or under.  If you or your boyfriend are under 18, sending or receiving sexy pictures is illegal and could get one or both of you in a lot of trouble. It can be a bit confusing because you can consent to have sex once you are 16 if you feel ready, but you both have to be over 18 to send sex related images. If either of you are under 18,  images like this are classed by law as being child pornography. If you are in a healthy relationship the police are unlikely to put it on your criminal record or take you to court, but they could.

Sexting is the sending of sexually explicit messages and pictures via mobile phones. It is a growing trend amongst young people and is also often used by sexual predators when they are grooming child victims.

 

If you are both over 18 and consenting to sharing images with each other, the advice and risks about sharing are much the same, but the laws are different. It is a criminal offence to share a private, sexual image with anyone without the explicit consent of the person in the picture.

 

It is really important that you understand what can happen if someone finds out. Have a look at these links – I’m not telling you off, not one bit, I just want to keep you both safe (you know how Nans can worry) https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/sexting/   On this page you can also get help with talking about how you feel and how to say no without sounding rude.

 

Childline have also got a REALLY useful app that you can download for free, that helps you deal with all these pesky requests.  I really love the cheeky “chicken” gif. I chuckled so much I dropped my knitting! Check it out. https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/sexting/zipit-app/

Get flirty chat back on the right track with our Zipit app. Full of comebacks and tips to help you stay in control of your chat game.


Find out about sexting and sending nudes: Why do people do it? Is it legal or illegal? How can someone under 18 get an online image of them removed?

 

Another thing to think about is: if you aren’t sure that he loves you, how do you know you can trust him with something so personal? Even if you are both deeply in love now, things can go wrong, and relationships can break down. How would you feel if someone else saw your sexy pictures? No one asks me for sexy pictures these days, but if they did I don’t think I would send any! I wouldn’t want my grandchildren to see me like that, or to be looked at by strangers online if they were uploaded to the internet. Uh uh. Experience tells us it is safer to keep personal and sexy things between two consenting people, face to face, rather than sending by text, snapchat or social media. Once an image is sent to someone else you have no control over who might end up seeing it. 

 

This is a story about a picture that was uploaded onto social media. It was shared by lots of people and people from all over the world saw it. Some people changed the picture and shared it again. The person who originally shared the picture had no control over who saw her picture or what they did with it once they had it. This was an experiment about how easy it is for a picture or post to become available to anyone. Sadly not everyone on the internet has good intentions. If you are worried about what you might have already shared, speak to an adult you trust for advice. You can see how social media can help you stay safe online here

 

On the topic of consent, you know you have a right to say no and have your decision respected? People in healthy relationships listen to each other and respect that no means no. This can apply to anything from sending sexy pictures to eating broccoli!  Any person who isn’t willing to take no for an answer when it comes to all things sex, is not worth spending time with. Take that as fact from old Wicid Nan here! 

 

It would be worth sitting down with a nice cuppa and letting your boyfriend know how you feel about all of this. You could ask him to use his imagination to create sexy pics in his mind instead of you sending pictures. While you are talking you could let him know that you are feeling unsure about how he feels about you. Have a little read of this page abut communicating well in relationships https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/how-to-talk-to-your-boyfriendgirlfriend-3508.html 

 

Gosh, we covered a lot there! Sending sexy pics, consent, online safety and getting help, healthy relationships, communication. I hope you find it useful. 

 

Remember that you can contact the Meic Helpline by text, IM or phone if you need information, advice or advocacy. They are open every day from 8 in the morning until midnight (even at Christmas and every weekend). Or you can get in touch with me again – you know how much I love to help and you can trust me to give good advice. I love a natter with you guys.

 

Ta-ra for now my lovely. Wicid Nan over and out!

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